Pipes

How to understand when communicating that a person is lying. How to understand if you love a person

It seems that your interlocutor is from another planet? Want to get to know a new friend better? Or maybe they no longer understand an old friend? There are ways to reach out to others and find out what they really want. We will not teach you to read minds, but we will tell you how to understand a person

Put yourself in his place

If people put themselves in each other's shoes, there would be no conflicts, misunderstandings, or wars in the world. It sounds, of course, utopian, because is it possible to think about others in all situations? The answer is unequivocal and truthful - no. But, if we want to know how to understand a person, we will have to enter into his position. You need to ask yourself questions:

What would I do in his place?
What influences my actions and decisions?
What seems pleasant to me, and what does not?

If we manage to see the world through the eyes of another, we will learn not only how to understand it, but we will also be able to predict subsequent actions.

trust your intuition

It happens that the heart, contrary to reason, disposes to another. He seems close, pleasant, "his". Sometimes, on the contrary, external signs characterize a person as an ideal person, and being next to him is torture. Trusting your intuition is how to understand a person if practically nothing is known about him.

To draw an unconscious conclusion, you need to turn off the logic, listen to the emotions that arise when you see a person.

Learn the maximum

The Iceberg Theory finds its practical application in each of us. Its essence is this: the tip of the iceberg above the water is what we see and know about a person. And the rest of the ice block is at the bottom of the deep sea. There is a hidden meaning in it, the past, going into subtext. The underwater part of the iceberg stores the answer to the question "How to understand a person?". If we see her, we'll figure it out.

To catch the connection between actions, to understand hidden motives, you need to try to fill out a questionnaire. It will become a dossier of the person of interest.

Facts from the biography
Field of activity, place of work
Hobbies, interests
Details of personal life
Reading, musical interests
Weaknesses, secrets
State of health
Circle of friends
Relationships with parents and relatives
Habits, addictions

Watch Behavior

To learn how to unravel and understand a person, you need to look at his usual behavior. Facial expressions, manner of voice, style of clothing will tell a lot about him.

Speech

Words and facial expressions must match each other. If something is wrong, there will be dissonance. It is more worth trusting the facial expression, and not the meaning of what was said. It is necessary to take into account intonation, reservations, pace of speech, confidence in the voice.

facial expressions

How to understand a person and find out what he feels? Carefully watch how the muscles on his face contract. For example:

The eyelids are slightly lowered, the lips are restrained - sadness.

Eyes narrowed, cheeks slightly reddened - pain.

The nose is wrinkled, the edge of the lip is raised - disgust.

The jaw is compressed, the cheekbones "play" - irritation, anger.

Eyes lowered, cheeks pale - uncertainty, fear.

Having studied the prevailing emotions, we can draw a conclusion about the emotional-volitional state.

Gait

A self-confident person is easily recognizable by an even gait and a forward-looking gaze. Secretive people in any weather hide their hands in their pockets.

Constant looking around, fussiness indicates fear, timidity, pessimism.

If someone aggressively imposes his pace of walking on us, it means that he does not intend to give in or compromise. Those who seem to push satellites in one direction are accustomed to imposing their opinion.

People walk around with their heads down, trying to hide their excitement.

Sight

Numerous studies have proven that the reaction of the pupils, unlike, for example, a smile, cannot be controlled. They, receiving a signal from the brain, expand on their own when we feel joy, delight, fear, or sexual arousal. The pupils constrict if we feel anger, hatred or irritation.

Posture and gestures

If the interlocutor, without noticing it, copies our posture, then he respects us, is ready to fulfill the request. The tilt of the body and head forward indicates the interest of the interlocutor. Crossed arms or legs indicate unwillingness to communicate, internal discomfort, closeness.

Hairstyle, condition of shoes and clothes will tell about cleanliness, accuracy, style, financial condition.

Verify

Vladimir Vysotsky knew how to understand a person. He offered to take a friend to the mountains to test him for stamina, endurance, friendship, and human qualities. After all The best way to know another is to be with him in an unforeseen or difficult situation, to spend a long time on the road, to meet with some kind of force majeure.

The ancient sages, to whom brides and grooms turned for an opinion about their chosen ones, recommended that they go on a long journey with their loved ones. They said that if after him the relationship remains warm, it is worth getting married. And if a quarrel replaces litter, then it is better not to rush into marriage.

You can find out what kind of person you really are if:

To see how he communicates with the staff - intelligent people control themselves, egoists and those who have complexes, shows arrogance.
To lend him money is how punctuality is defined.
Throw a cup of coffee on him - in surprise, he will show himself real.
Gossip about his acquaintances - if he supports gossip to please, then it is possible that you will be the next objects of discussion.
To tell a secret - as you know, the ability to keep secrets is more precious than gold.

Sometimes it is possible, having lived ten years with a person, to realize that we do not understand him at all. What then? Break up because they were strangers? Move away without trying to change anything? Or still learn how to understand a person whom you have known for 100 years? We will tell you how to maintain a warm relationship, and you can always have time to beat the pots.

Learn to listen

It happens that behind our voice, instructions and problems, the quiet whisper of others turns into silence. Sometimes you just need to listen to understand. Not interrupting, not blaming. Words can be confused, cause misunderstanding, but they need to be absorbed like a sponge. Later they, like randomly scattered puzzles, will fall into one picture.

See objectively

To drafting psychological portrait must be approached with an open mind. After all, how to understand a person for real, if there is a long-established image in front of your eyes. So, the parents of excellent students cannot believe that their son smoked during recess, because they know how many letters their child has received and how neatly he organizes his portfolio.

Soviet psychologists asked two groups of people to describe a person from a photograph. The first group was casually informed that the photograph was of the killer. And the second group of subjects believed that they were describing a valiant hero. In fact, they imposed their point of view on everyone. This proves the result, because the first group saw a proud and arrogant person, and the second - an honest and courageous one.

Don't give in to stereotypes

We do not know how to understand a person if his actions are not invested in our own framework of worldview, a moral boundary. But all people are different and their outlook on life is also different. Boys don't have to love fighting, and girls don't have to love baking pies. The same applies to the gap between generations, because misunderstanding almost always stands between fathers and children.

Don't press

Reproaches like “I can’t understand you” or “How to understand a person who does not give such an opportunity!” we will only make it worse. It’s not that they don’t want to open up to us, but they will avoid talking for a long time, veiling their real feelings.

It is better to communicate your efforts to share other people's feelings.

Compare

Comparing people to each other is not always useful, but comparing a person with himself in the past and present is a good method. To understand the other, you need to track the changes in it. Watching new habits, learning about the real social circle, listening to the music in his player, one can at least assume what the other feels now, what are his thoughts.

We told how to understand a person, find out the hidden motives of his behavior and test for strength. Remember that relatives need to be given time, and it is better to test new acquaintances. At least before opening. Follow our tips to make understanding a habit in your relationships with people.

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The fact that a person likes you can be understood not only after the recognition “on the forehead”, but also by the unconscious behavior of the admirer.

website collected confessions of anonymous lovers from the Internet. This is what they think betrays the feelings of most people. What is most curious, people unconsciously behave in this way, regardless of gender and age.

People of the first type always try to be closer to the object of their feelings: go to places where they can cross, try to stumble, as if by chance, touch at every opportunity (push a little, then, apologetically, hug, etc.).
People of the second type, on the contrary, avoid the person they like, and when talking, they are rude, because it seems to them that the “victim” either guesses about their feelings, or now they are simply not good enough to appear before her. And if "object X" goes up, they will automatically go down.

So if someone has been shying away from you lately or, on the contrary, often accidentally intersects with you, know that all this is not without reason.

The lover often looks at his object of adoration: he always seems to have missed some important detail. If this is unrequited love without a chance, then there will be even more views: it’s better that way than nothing.
However, if a glance is intercepted, then often a “second front” is suddenly activated in a lover: for example, the nearest curtain requires immediate inspection or an unfamiliar grandmother in the next room is clearly eager to meet.

With conversations, there are also two options:

In a person, the "alloy" of a poet, philosopher and journalist wakes up sharply; he talks on the most complex and interesting topics, even if he has never thought about them in his life. A bonus sometimes connects a kaveenshchik.
An adequate and well-read person turns into a dumb sheep with vocabulary like a stool. If you are one of those people, try not to overdo it with trying to impress the interlocutor.

People often talk about the person they like with others. or trying to bring the conversation to this topic. Even if they have a serious conversation with a group of colleagues, having heard the right name out of the corner of their ear, they will casually go over to a neighboring company.
Interesting detail: a person can talk about the object of desire even very, very negatively, allegedly proving to himself and everyone around him that he doesn’t like him at all: “Masha is kind of strange ...”, “Come on, this Dima is such an idiot!”
Or another way - emphasizing similarities in conversation, for example: “It seems that only Pasha and I are watching Game of Thrones.”

When a person you like comes into view, the hero of the internal romance is likely to unconsciously smile, and when meeting, involuntarily raises eyebrows- from an overabundance of emotions.
And when everyone in the company begins to laugh at someone's joke, lovers, without noticing it themselves, First of all, they look at the one they like.

A person in love may suddenly become interested in the same things as the object of his feelings: abruptly begin to get involved in sports, read literature unusual for him, etc.

Oh yes, we almost forgot about the constant checks of the subject's page view counter on social networks and the unconscious hatred of all his close friends of the opposite sex. What can you do - love!

P.S.: Of course, there are exceptional people (however, as elsewhere), to convict of such behavior, no matter how hard you try, it will not work.

Lies are common modern world communicative phenomenon. Scientific research and polls show that people lie on a daily basis. However, deceiving every day, people themselves do not know how to understand that a person is lying.

Only a "professional" liar and manipulator knows how to regulate his behavior so that others do not reveal his deceit. Psychologists and physiognomists are able to determine a lie by observing a person. But everyone can learn to recognize deception.

There are many definitions of lying. In logic, a lie is the opposite of truth, a statement that obviously does not correspond to the truth. In everyday life, a lie is called a deception realized by a person.

In psychology, a lie is a deliberate attempt to form in another person a belief that the speaker himself considers wrong. Conscious utterance of a lie is a kind of communication tactic chosen in a particular situation.

There are many types of lies:

hoax,
falsification,
simulation,
plagiarism,
flattery,
fairy tales,
slander,
bluff,
self-incrimination, self-deception,
exaggeration or understatement
perjury, perjury,
a good lie
good lies,
naked,
children's,
pathological
involuntary.

Why do people cheat

Why do people lie several times a day? Everyday lie is not a gross deceit, but the concealment of insignificant information, it is a lie “on trifles”. Everyone wants to appear better and does not want to spoil relations with others.

A weighty and significant lie is always associated with some significant situation for the individual. It can destroy the structure of personality and spoil the life of the individual.

A person who is dishonest with himself and others is forced to live in constant tension from the need to hide the truth. The truth will sooner or later be revealed, and the revealed deception will entail a lot of negative consequences.

Scientists have two main versions of why people deliberately lie, even when they understand that lying will not lead to anything good:

Fear. Why does a person lie? Because he is afraid to tell the truth, even if he cannot admit it to himself.
Belief in the necessity of lying. An individual can be sure that it is better for the interlocutor not to know the truth, since it is difficult to accept, understand, and experience it.

Unfortunately, people are used to deceiving each other, but an unscrupulous lie is not a normal phenomenon, but an immoral act.

Every child is taught from childhood to tell only the truth and tell everything to his parents. But the baby still learns to lie over time, looking at adults. Children easily detect inconsistencies in the words and actions of adults and soon realize that untruth can be used as a way to get what they want.

Unless the person is an inveterate liar who takes delight and pleasure in deceit, he will feel negative emotions and feelings when speaking lies. Lying generates shame, fear, and guilt for making the decision to deceive someone and taking that action.

Saying and experiencing lies is. Negative emotions during a lie excite in the literal and figurative sense of the word, physiological changes begin to occur in the body, expressing excitement. The brain sends nerve impulses to the muscles, which cause visible to others and manifestations of deception.

Signs of a lie

How to know if a person is lying? What are the signs of a lie that help declassify it?

No known sign of a lie can be regarded as direct evidence of it. Conversely, the absence of signs of deception does not mean that a person is sincere.

You need to evaluate the behavior of the interlocutor as a whole. Separate actions and movements are considered in combination with other manifestations of a person in relation to the interlocutor.

The behavior of the subject who is lying differs from his normal, usual behavior. Therefore, it is much easier to determine that a person is lying if he is close or familiar. Determining whether a stranger or an unfamiliar person is lying is much more difficult.

When determining deception, a person is carefully observed, signs of a lie are noticed and his situational behavior is compared with normal behavior accepted in a particular situation and environment. Without knowing a person, it is easy to make a mistake and confuse his habitual action with a sign of a lie.

It is possible to catch the interlocutor in a lie, knowing the truth in advance or having the opportunity to verify the information heard. And how do you know that a person is lying when it is impossible to check his words? In this case, knowledge of the signs of a lie will come in handy.

Signs of a lie are verbal and non-verbal. Verbally, deceit is expressed in verbal form.

Non-verbal signs are divided into:

physiological,
mimic,
gestural.

NONVERBAL SIGNS OF DECEPTION:

Increased sweating and increased heart rate. Moisturizes the palms, forehead and skin area above the upper lip.
Dry mouth. From experiences, the throat dries up, a person often drinks water or swallows saliva.
Heavy, irregular breathing or its delay; deep breaths and heavy exhalations.
Constriction of the pupils, rapid blinking; staring into the eyes or, conversely, the inability to look at the interlocutor.
Change in complexion, redness, blanching or blotching of the skin.
The appearance of goosebumps on the body.
Tension in the face: twitching of facial muscles, wry smile, furrowed brows.
Trembling in the voice, stuttering, coughing, change in timbre, tone, volume of the voice (provided that these speech defects are not caused by anything).
Inappropriate and untimely smile or smirk.
Chaotic and fussy movements: walking back and forth, rocking the body and the like.
Rubbing and scratching various parts of the body.
Frequent touching of the neck and face: nose, lips, eyes, forehead, ears, back of the head.
Biting lips, fingers or nails.
Nervous twitching and tapping of limbs on the floor or other surfaces.
Crossed arms or legs, so-called bodily locks.
The desire to hide hands behind the back, in pockets, under the table.

All of the above manifestations can be observed when a person is simply worried, worried, trying to please. For example, before public speaking or meeting new people. To determine for sure that a person is lying, you can compare his actions with words.

VERBAL SIGNS OF A LIE:

Unwillingness to discuss the topic and constant attempts to change it are clear signs of withholding information.
Reticence, evasion, or short yes or no answers. When there is something to hide, a person will be afraid to say too much.
Oaths. The interlocutor zealously tries to prove his case, swears and repeatedly gives his word of honor.
Long reflections before saying or answering something; protracted pauses in conversation.
Repeated flattery and attempts to enter. So the liar is trying to switch attention, reduce the vigilance of the interlocutor.
Attempts to arouse sympathy and self-pity. This is done so that the interlocutor does not even think to question the incoming information. Is it possible to doubt the sincerity of the "unfortunate" person?
Demonstration of indifference, ostentatious indifference to the topic under discussion.
Another significant sign of lying is behavioral. The deceiver never keeps his promises and always finds excuses for this.

It cannot be said that a person is lying if only one sign of lying is found. There should be several of them, both verbal and non-verbal.

How to deal with a scammer

According to statistics, the vast majority of women believe that the truth is better than lies, while at the same time, every second man is sure that sweet lie simply necessary in difficult life situations. But with age, men lie less, try to be frank.

Unfortunately, some people lie so skillfully that it is difficult to declassify them, relying only on the signs of a lie. Help will come. Having sufficient life experience, one can guess that a person is lying and protect himself from the consequences of deception.

Lies are classified depending on the degree of complexity, the level of "skill" of the deceiver:

First level

Manipulation without the intention of influencing beliefs. Such a lie is called childish. The deceiver utters a clear lie, not realizing that it is not difficult to declassify him. Why do people lie like children? Because they are afraid of punishment or want to receive a reward, hiding negative or inventing positive actions, respectively.

Second level

The manipulator convinces the interlocutor of the veracity of the information, realizing that this will affect all subsequent thoughts and actions. Roughly speaking, second-level liars know how to "show off", mislead.

Third level

A liar knows how to deceive so that he is not caught in a lie. This is skillful manipulation and skillful deception. Fraudsters use tricks, techniques and deception strategies. Such "advanced" lies are not uncommon in politics, journalism, commerce, and entertainment.

Having noticed several signs of lies in the behavior of the interlocutor at once, it is worth considering why the person is openly lying and how to continue to behave with him. But do not rush to bring charges without checking your guesses.

Suspecting the dishonesty of the interlocutor, you need to:

Try to keep calm. The natural reaction to untruth is resentment and indignation. But if you express them in the heat of the moment, the deceiver will find a way to justify himself.
Guess why the person is lying now. To say exactly why a particular person is lying, only he himself can.
Check your assumptions, if necessary, find evidence and facts.
Talk to the deceiver, giving him the opportunity to explain the situation, confirm or refute the truthful information.
Establish fraud. Having understood the situation, you need to make a decision to forgive the deceiver or stop due to the loss of trust in him.
Not everyone will find the courage to expose a liar, sometimes it is dangerous to do so. But when it comes to intra-family conflicts or disagreements at work, it is simply necessary to find out why people lie and dot the i's.

Once a person who lied, it is difficult to regain trust, and if deception becomes a habit, others cease to respect and love. Liars and deceivers often become outcasts, stop in their development, degrade.

Lies can destroy any relationship, personal life and career. Why people lie knowing this remains a mystery. It is much more effective to communicate sincerely, openly, honestly express the available information, your thoughts and feelings to others.

How to understand that a person likes you? As a child, parents often repeated to us: “Pulling pigtails means he loves!”. As you get older, it becomes more and more difficult to determine whether a guy or a girl you know likes you.

All polls have become infected with shyness, trying not to give themselves away. So how do you determine that a person likes you if he is silent about it?

Often people cover themselves with feigned indifference and create a kind of vigorous activity at the sight of an object they like. The reason for this is modesty, in itself and the fear of rejection.

Girls often build impregnable walls and bastions around themselves, confident that inaccessibility is the best incentive for a nascent relationship. In such a society, not that, but elementary affection is difficult to recognize!

You will be helped by body language, which is rarely followed by persons in love. In a conversation, the guy will be facing you, bending in your direction, turning his whole body. He will try to move closer, reducing the distance to extremely intimate.

Sooner or later, someone who feels sympathy will definitely want to touch you.. He will hug in a fit of general joy, kiss on the cheek on his birthday, straighten his hair or shake off a speck of dust from his clothes.

To determine if a guy likes you, "accidentally" stand so close to him that your backs or elbows touch. Nothing super-intimate, you can generally look in different directions and be in different companies! It's just "tight". A young man in love will not pull back his hand, but will stand, feeling your warmth, as if not noticing anything.

Look into his eyes and look for the answer to your question. See how his friends react to you. You pass by their company - and the fuss begins, jokes, pokes, chuckles? It is clear that they are "in the know" and make fun of the guy!

In a large company, he periodically looks for the face of his beloved, monitors the reaction. If you are constantly feel his gaze on you and several times a night collide eyes, then it was not without romantic feelings.

Notice if he hides his eyes when he meets yours? Or vice versa - he looks for a long time, brazenly, with interest and "straight into the soul." Both are evidence of sympathy.

You can understand if a guy likes you in a conversation. Let him set the tone for the conversation. He is nervous? Or does he talk a lot about his successes, praising his virtues in every possible way? Asks something about your life and listens carefully without interrupting? In all these cases, we can talk about his interest.

Although in adolescence (and much later too), all these signs of falling in love can be easily confused with high self-esteem, usual boastfulness, shyness and elementary politeness. You need to watch how he behaves in the company of other ladies.

The main sign that a person likes you is that he behaves, being around you, in a completely different way than with the rest. It doesn't matter what the differences are, what matters is that they exist.

Perhaps he even deliberately avoids your company. Silences in your presence. Hides his eyes or leaves the room. Answers questions rudely or completely ignores. Take a sober look: if there is nothing from Edward Cullen in appearance, and there are no other signs of vampirism, then, most likely, he is simply embarrassed and afraid to betray his feelings.

If a guy likes you, he wants to show himself "on his board". Will be interested in the same things as you. For example, you tell him that you are crazy about the new season of Game of Thrones or House. In a week, he will be so savvy that he can discuss each episode with you in detail.

The same goes for music and books. The lover strives to be in everything closer to the object of the senses.

Some people continue to use techniques familiar with kindergarten. Yes, we are talking about the same pigtails and kicks. A guy can systematically sting, make fun of a girl if he likes her.

A woman who feels mutual sympathy will scold him and make a fool of him. Do not be surprised, all people have their own rules for the love game. The main thing is that these games end well.