Although this article is dedicated to March 8 and is primarily focused on how to charm men, the advice of psychologists given in it will be useful to both women and men, both in their personal lives and at work. After all, what is charm, charm? This is one of the tools to influence people. And possibly the most efficient.

A woman must be smart, charming,

kind and have a sense of humor.

However, I expect the same from men.

Catherine Deneuve

Have you noticed that all colleagues, bosses, mothers-in-law and mothers-in-law love a charming person, everyone is happy to help him. And a charming woman is a charming person squared. And, mind you, your most charming friend is probably not the most beautiful. Charm and beauty are two different categories. Beauty, unfortunately, often brings misfortune and suffering to women, and charm only brings good luck and prosperity!

So what is this charm?

Albert Camus gave wonderful definition charm: " Charm is a way to get "yes" without asking a clear question».

However, the great twentieth-century skeptic Kurt Vonnegut brings us down to earth: Charm is such a trick to instantly make a person love and trust a stranger, regardless of what this stranger has in mind.».

I'm afraid we'll have to agree with Vonnegut: charm is a tool to influence people, it's one of the skills . And any skill can be acquired!

No magic, just an acquired set of skills. So does Laurie Wilheim, author of How to Be Loved, Respected, and Appreciated: Each of us has a chance to become charming. If we think about what makes a person charming and start practicing these skills regularly, we can all become like Louise.».

Who is Louise? This is one extremely charming acquaintance of Lori Wilheim. In the article, which I will quote below, he tries to understand how she does it. Let's and we, together with Laurie Wilheim, decide on the key skills of charm.

How to develop charm in yourself?

Charm, as a tool for influencing people, according to Wilheim and other psychologists, includes the following techniques:

• the ability to smile
• self-confidence, inner comfort,
• naturalness, sincerity,
• attention to others
• compliments
• grooming.

The ability to smile

Youth smiles for no reason.

This is one of her main charms.

Oscar Wilde

Let's start with the simplest yet least used skill to influence people. How often do you smile during the work day? How often do you get a smile during a work day? And when such a miracle happens, it's so nice!

Here's what the site says about it Feminine Woman(thefemininewoman.com): " Men love women who smile. A smile illuminates the face. It has been scientifically proven that when you see a smiling person, your mood is lifted. That is, even at a subconscious level, he will have positive associations associated with you.».

Self-confidence, inner comfort

Returning to Louise, to quote Laurie Wilheim: She felt absolutely comfortable, she seemed able to cope with any unforeseen situation. Although she is not very tall, she seemed to be taller than the people around her. And at the same time, there was not a shadow of arrogance in her.».

Agrees with Wilheim Feminine Woman: « It doesn't matter if you have the appearance of a fashion model or not, self-confidence is always sexy and charming. A woman who is at peace and in harmony with herself always attracts men.».

Naturalness, sincerity

This skill is somewhat similar to the previous one. After all, in order to be yourself, you need self-confidence and inner comfort.

Feminine Woman: « Any man will run away if he feels insincerity. This will make him think: “What else is she hiding?”. Efforts to appear as someone else generate negative energy which will nullify your efforts. Charm and insincerity are incompatible.»

Attention to people

There is a difference between beauty and charm.

A beautiful woman is the woman that I notice.

A charming woman is one who notices me.

John Erskine

And again about Louise: “ Louise had a very "outward-looking" attitude towards others. She communicated with a person as if he were the most important person in the world, completely focused on the interlocutor. Everyone felt special because she showed him sincere attention. Next to her, people felt comfortable and cozy.».

Feminine Woman: « If you are talking to a man, ask him questions about him, about his interests. People like to talk about themselves. A man will be flattered by the attention».

One of the most famous American photographers, Richard Avedon, certainly knows what charm is, because he photographed so many famous charismatic people! However, in defining charm, he does not mention appearance man! " I believe that charm is the ability to show genuine interest in other people.“, he writes.

compliments

It's sad when men stop giving compliments.

'Cause when they don't celebrate what's charming

they stop noticing what is charming.

Oscar Wilde

This skill is closely related to the previous one. A compliment will only be effective when you praise something that your interlocutor is really proud of. For example, you should not praise a rocker for how carefully shaved he is (if this suddenly happened to him) or a woman who gives all her strength to career growth, for what a good housewife she is.

If you do not know the person well enough and are not sure what he is proud of, use the advice Feminine Woman: a woman will not miss if she praises a man's watch or tie. " Men pay more attention to the selection of these two accessories than to their entire appearance.».

Read more about compliments .

grooming

What is grooming? This is when nothing in your appearance irritates the interlocutor. It doesn't matter how expensive you are. It is important that the clothes are clean, neat and fit well, and that the accessories match your style and situation.

Clean hair, well-groomed hands and feet - it's somehow even embarrassing to talk about it. But ask yourself, do you always leave the house in a well-groomed condition? I'm not always. I have, of course, an excuse for every case. But there can no longer be any talk of charm.

Sad is the sight of an expensive thing that sits on a lady like a saddle on a cow, that is, does not fit her figure or age. It is even sadder to see a lady on the beach in the morning with an evening clutch in her hands. Yes, the adequacy of appearance is also an element of grooming.

Here is how Lori Wilheim describes Louise's appearance: Her clothes were well-chosen and fit her figure perfectly, the colors of the clothes suited her very well, her short hair was neat and showed her face.».

The main thing is not to overdo it

Feminine Woman gives another very helpful advice: do not overdo it.

We all really want to please other people: the opposite sex, bosses, friends. But if this desire becomes excessive, we achieve the opposite effect - we push people away from us.

Below are the most common errors from this area by version Feminine Woman:

• Smile, but don't laugh hysterically.
• Make eye contact with the other person, but don't stare!
• Be confident, but not arrogant and arrogant.
• Show interest in the interlocutor, but do not bother him. The 100th question can already start to annoy.
• When it comes to captivating a member of the opposite sex, light tactile contact is very useful: an accidental touch of hands or knees. But excessive patting of a partner causes the opposite effect.

Practice Charm Skills

So, charm is a skill that you can and should develop in yourself in order to influence people both at work and in your personal life.

Don't forget the technique of developing new skills, which I have repeatedly recommended. Identify two or three elements of charm from the list given in the article that you have the most lame. Make a schedule for them. Every evening write down how many times you think of them and apply them. Successful or not? Rate yourself. Keep working on these skills for three months. After this period, they will become a habit.

In general, charm is inherent not only to women. And men are charming and attractive.

Why are some women attractive and others not? Why are men drawn to some and run away from others?

Charm, like self-confidence, it can be innate and acquired. Some women are charming by nature, other smart girls watch what a charming woman does and repeat the same thing (as a result, they develop charm in themselves).

Signs of a charming woman

How can a charming woman look and act?

• The ability to spontaneously rejoice in any person and any situation. A charming woman should always give a positive reaction to everything that happens around. Note that this is not an unreasonable joy for everything and everyone, this is the ABILITY to rejoice in any situation.

• Humor. Developed sense of humor. The ability to laugh at yourself and your shortcomings.
• Expand your contacts with people. Many women, especially those of Slavic appearance, are very beautiful, but often they are sad inside, they have no charm. Even an ugly, but charming woman can always find a worthy man.

Levels of relationship with a man

Each couple develops their own level of relationship. Read and determine what kind of relationship do you have with a man?

• The woman is a servant. This does not cause delight and love in a man. Such men use women and do not appreciate them. Gradually, men lose interest in such a woman and go to another (or have a mistress).

• Equal position. Woman and man are partners.

• The woman is Mrs. The one for which you want to serve, for which you want to call positive emotions for which you want to conquer the whole world.

What kind of women do men usually choose for marriage? Smart women (knows how to accept and take care of a man), so as not to criticize. A man feels good only with the woman next to whom his testosterone (male hormone) rises. A woman lowers testosterone in men: when she criticizes, reproaches, advises. And a man understands that a woman seems to be good, but with her he feels bad.

How to become attractive in the eyes of a man?

How to increase attractiveness in the eyes of men, use the following simple tips:

• Visual image (external beauty). Sometimes change your style, image. The main task is to learn how to attract attention. Put on a colored or red dress, a bracelet on your arm, red shoes (you can swing your shoe while sitting).
• The ability to touch. Be in the "public area" (3 meters or more) from a man. "Social zone" (1.5-3 meters) - these are work colleagues, neighbors, i.e. the people we work with, we live with. "Personal zone" (0.5-1.5 meters) - personal questions (how are you, how is your family, how is your health). "Intimate zone" - less than 0.5 meters.

The main mistake of women is a quick transition to the intimate zone. And men become uncomfortable with her. Therefore, a woman should control the access zone and move gradually.

• Ability to speak. A woman should be able to LISTEN and HEAR her man. Must be able to diagnose his condition and maintain it.

Why do some men act on us in such a way that we want to “run up and surrender”?

Many different good men lives in this world - cute and beautiful, sexy and charming, hardworking and talented. But there are men of a special breed among them. Many of them are frankly ugly, some are ugly, but after a few minutes of communicating with such a man, you begin to consider his ugliness as a kind of beauty peculiar only to him. It's hard for you to tell if he's smart. You don't think how sexy he is. You know only one thing: you do not want to part with him for a minute. Congratulations! You got a charismatic man. The word "charismatic" has ancient Greek roots and denotes a person gifted with the special grace of the gods.

So what is it?!

Charisma is a unique talent to capture the emotions and moods of people nearby, let it pass through itself, amplify it many times and return it back. A charismatic man is a born leader. Communicating with him, an ordinary person feels stronger, smarter, more determined and more beautiful and is ready to go to the ends of the world for those who gave him such amazing sensations.

How is charisma different from charm?

A charming man attracts attention with his personal virtues: beauty, eloquence, wit, elegance or kindness, he creates a pleasant atmosphere for communication, pleases women and awakens the spirit of rivalry in men's hearts.

A charismatic man does not show himself. He turns you into a smart and beautiful person. He perceives your unspoken desires and allows you to feel the way you would like to be in your deepest dreams. And then sincerely admires the result. Such temptation is impossible to resist. A charismatic man attracts everyone - and other men of any age, and children, and women, and even cats, dogs and pet parrots. He relieves the inferiority complex and elevates those who are close to him. If ten people stand near a charismatic man, everyone will feel strong and courageous. A crowd of thousands will gather - he will captivate her too, because people for him are sources of energy and the more he receives from them, the more he returns back. Jesus Christ was a charismatic person, Napoleon and Adolf Hitler too.

Caesar's Caesar's...

Women, alas, are not charismatic. There are many pretty, artistic, charming and charming people among us, able to captivate and elevate one person. But we are not able to capture and amplify the foreign energy of the masses. Some scientists attribute this female feature to hormonal levels and low testosterone levels. The Chinese believe that the cold female yin energy is able to flood and carry away like a flooded river. Only the masculine yang energy can illuminate, inspire and ignite. But we should not be upset by this difference. After all, men are made for us women. And charismatic too.

Why do we need them

They are extremely good as lovers, and not at all because of sophistication in caresses. A charismatic man will perform a dozen frictions in a missionary position and give a lady more pleasure than a connoisseur of tantric sex, who changes twelve positions in an hour and a half act. This happens because in the company of a charismatic lover you forget about everything, you feel desired and beautiful, you are not embarrassed by your loose hips or flat chest.

A charismatic life partner may not have sex with you at all, but you will be either surprisingly comfortable next to him or unusually interesting. In his company you will feel like such an important and significant person that you will completely forget about the bed and will not exchange it for any sexual giant!

How bad are they

Freeing others from low self-esteem or chronic psychological problems, charismatic personalities sometimes suffer from dozens of different complexes themselves. They do not always radiate their charisma into space. Getting close to such an incredible man, you can see in front of you for three weeks in a row an irritable paranoid, suffering from a fear of spiders and heights. And only seven days a month to bathe in the waves of his all-consuming and heartfelt love and admiration.

They have a contradictory character - being very sensitive and delicate, they are able to say incredible rudeness, modest ones sometimes go on a spree, moralists recognize a bunch of illegitimate children. Inconsistency is one of the sources of internal energy for a charismatic man and the cause of the torment of a woman next to him.

If you come across a charismatic partner, you will be forced to share it with fans, students, supporters and followers. He will certainly acquire influential enemies who, in an attempt to resist the attraction to him, will fiercely hate him and want to destroy him. Not ready to live on a volcano - find yourself someone simpler.

Where are they found

Charismatic men "are found" not only in big politics, business and in the world of cinema. They are also found in everyday life, though rarely. Because with their unique ability to pull people along with them, they quickly ascend and take a leadership position in their professional environment or in the public life where they are.

At one of the parties, I had a chance to talk with a charismatic young man named Tolik, outwardly very unremarkable, thin, small in stature, with emerging bald patches and meek eyes. As soon as he entered the living room, everyone gathered around him and the atmosphere of the evening changed in an amazing way. Stiffness disappeared, everyone felt trust and sympathy for each other. We sang along with the guitar, the shy owner of the house vividly and cheerfully told the story of his acquaintance with his wife. Each guest had his own stellar moment when he could show off his wit, erudition or attire. But Tolik didn’t seem to be doing anything, he spoke quietly, rarely smiled. But all the girls tried to touch him, all the men tried to tell him at least something. In the process of working on the material, I decided to meet him, but it turned out that a few months ago he left to teach the history of world art at one of the US universities.

Is there or not?

Vladimir Putin
The halo of power surrounding a politician is in itself very attractive to women. But Putin cannot be counted among the charismatic personalities - he looks at his interlocutors or at the audience frowningly, as if they were negligent students, and makes even ministers feel guilty in his society. What is it like for a woman next to him ?!

Boris Yeltsin
But this one had charisma! Not always, of course, he "turned on" it, but the last election, being seriously ill, he won only on it. He did not differ in special, ceremonial politeness towards the ladies, they say, he could, in passing, pinch his ass, but no one was offended by him for “sexual harassment” - the woman had a pleasant impression that he simply could not resist her.

Johnny Depp
In 2003, People magazine named him the sexiest man in the world. Johnny has external charm and artistic talent, but no internal strength and determination. Plus, he's pretty weird. And a charismatic man can fight in epileptic seizures from excess energy, like Napoleon, but to be weird and shock his guests with a collection of live spiders and dead cockroaches, as Depp does, does not suit him - this is painfully petty. Johnny was always looking for a woman who could keep him from drinking and eccentricities. Finally found the French singer Vanessa Paradis, got a daughter and a son from her and subdued under her protection.

Brad Pitt
Nothing more than a handsome guy that many women would like to lay in bed. Not one of us will feel more beautiful or smarter next to him - he is too selfish. It seems that he is most concerned about his own wrinkles, the emerging double chin and the quality of the manicure.

Jack Nicholson
Yes, and yes again! Moreover, he is able to convey to us his diabolical aura “I want you!” even through the screen. And what does his age, baldness, wrinkles and a solid belly matter? As soon as he smiles at you from the screen with his famous demonic smile, and you feel like a beautiful witch.

What is true charm? Men and women have been arguing about this for centuries. And if beauty can be shown, a sense of humor can be tested with laughter, then charm is so elusive that it cannot be measured. Nevertheless, two seemingly outwardly pleasant people are perceived by others in completely different ways - just one is charming, and the other is not.

Even dictionaries on this topic are laconic. Ozhegov writes that charm is a charm and an attractive force, Efremova mentions a conquering influence. One way or another, someone else's charm is easier to experience for yourself than to describe in words.

For a man, charm is the key to communicating with women. The fair sex is most often bought precisely for this feature, and not for external beauty. Remember, you will definitely find a man in your environment, not handsome, not very rich, but the ladies stick to him. The reason is charm. But there is one little secret. Charm can be learned. Of course, this will take a lot of time, it will require you to change your habits, appearance, even the way you communicate, but this is a very real task.

So, let's look at the components of this phenomenon and at the same time discuss how to acquire them.

Components of charm

The first thing that is an integral part of male charm is sexuality. Well, you will say, one more matter, which is also an object of envy and cannot be acquired at all. Wrong! Sexuality is the ability to make it clear to the opposite sex that you are interested in him. But do it like you don't care. Sexuality is the ability to show a woman that she is desirable with one firm movement - a handshake, a kiss on the cheek, a hug, and you can satisfy her every whim in bed. Sexuality is the ability to praise, make laugh, console a lady in time. And of course, sexuality is mastery in bed, when a man with his kisses and caresses can bring his partner to highest point enjoyment.

The second component of charm is appearance. It is not about the shape of the nose, lips, cheekbones and chin. No. Here, most likely, there should be a combination of natural characteristics and their design. You need to choose the right style, hairstyle, be able to wear clothes. A bag, men's footwear, which can be ordered inexpensively on the Taoboom website http://www.taoboom.com/cat/mujskaya-obuv. And also, a belt, a ring or a chain - all elements should create an image that you want to look at.

Moreover, you can be a plump charm in a knitted home sweater or a charming artist-poet in a velvet jacket and sneakers, although it is hard to believe in a meeting with a charming biker in leather and metal. By the way, the model appearance of a man most often does not combine with charm. For this quality, on the contrary, there must be some kind of flaw in the face or figure.

The third element of the quality we are studying is social status. The main thing here is the correct presentation. Usually men who reach certain career and business heights completely lose their charm. They simply do not have time to be pleasant people in all respects. This does not mean that in order to become more charming, you need to sink to the very social bottom. It's just that in this matter one should not be equal to the powerful rich. The charm of a man in women's eyes is given by details. Therefore, work and position in society can be any. Just if you are a doctor, then do not forget to smile at patients, and if you are a financier, then discuss not only exchange rates and the stock market. Yes, there are professions that are initially considered charming: actors, writers, musicians. But, believe me, a programmer can have no less charm than a poet. Just do not sit at the computer all the time.

Eloquence or silence?

The fourth component of quality is speech and communication. This is where you should roll up your sleeves. The ability to speak beautifully, a lot, interestingly, to joke, to amuse, to sympathize - all this can and should be learned if you are going to charm as many ladies as possible. Women love with their ears, so talking to her is a big step towards her heart. A charming person knows how and loves to communicate. Pay attention, because it is the most talkative manager who considers the main charm in your office.

Although there are exceptions. It happens that a new courier who blushes at the sight of a beautiful secretary and cannot connect two words can also seem charming. But after the second or third meeting with such a tongue-tied cutie, the impression will change: his charm will dry up, and he will become just a taciturn courier.

The fifth integral part of charm is a sense of humor. A man who knows how to make you laugh is sure to be considered charming. Women love to laugh. But jokes should be abstract and should not offend the ladies. Don't be lazy and learn a few funny stories, jokes, tales, accustom yourself to watch humorous shows and comedies. There are very few people in the world without a sense of humor, most simply do not know how to use it. You yourself will not notice how you become known as the most charming joker in the area when you pay more attention to laughter in dealing with women.

Strong men also have a share of charm, however, this is not a prerequisite. Muscles and the real ability to carry a woman in your arms are an excellent basis for the beautiful half of humanity to like it. Therefore, going to the gym does not hurt. Good physical form causes respect and confidence, women are necessarily drawn to such men, since they have an instinct by nature to choose stronger males who can protect them.

There are many more components of charm. For example, honesty. On its own, it is a quality as a quality. But sometimes a man's honesty looks immensely charming. Just imagine, a man honestly admits that sometimes he watches old melodramas with Audrey Hepburn, why not a charming truth?! Generosity and originality can also only enhance your charm. A miser is unlikely to pass for a ladies' favorite. But with originality, you need to be careful not to go beyond the line where it ceases to be an easy lunatic and becomes an unpleasant eccentricity.

Charm is a special energy that a person spreads around him. You know, there is such a thing - to fall under someone's charm. So they say that when a person does not notice the shortcomings of another. No wonder psychologists and sociologists call charm the key to happiness. In order to have charm, you need to create your own unique style in clothes, manner of communicating, staying in society. And if you are going to seriously take up yourself and become the most charming man in the world, you will first have to honestly admit all your shortcomings and bad habits in order to then eradicate them in yourself.

Being charming is not always pleasant. Think about it, because you have to constantly please everyone, and this is very tiring. Therefore, if you have a lack of charm, then go ahead - develop in yourself sociability, friendliness, attentiveness, and a sense of humor. But if you are already known as a charming, charismatic person and spread vibes around you, then do not rush to become even better. The best, as they say, is the enemy of the good. And one more piece of advice: avoid pretense and unnaturalness. Do everything from the heart, if you really like a woman, do everything to please her, and she will definitely notice your charm, intended only for her.